You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he told me I talked like a deaf person
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
