I didn't shave. On purpose
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
