doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
