I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
