I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
