He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
