you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
