yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
did you just send me my own nude
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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