Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Bring me that man meat
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
