The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I want to be your penis for a week.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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