There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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