Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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