in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize