well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
