I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
As shirtless as possible
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
