Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
