Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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