I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
