They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
