stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
two words...techno handjob
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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