I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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