I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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