Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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