3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
