i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
there was a trapeze. enough said
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I touched a dick in church today
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
