tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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