I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
