I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
