I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
