I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
