Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
