I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have post one night stand depression
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