I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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