never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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