you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
