I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize