when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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