I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
