dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he thought i was a dude.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
