YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
