maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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