I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
