Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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