his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize