found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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