Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
