I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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