Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
