to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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