no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize