Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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