Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
