Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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