He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
