Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize