the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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