I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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