FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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