He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize