my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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