I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
