Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
