he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
