I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
