So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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