Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
