I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
