You don't have asthma, your pregnant
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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